Fulfillment, Full Circle, and Fabulous Revelations!

Times have changed.  Feelings have changed.  Circumstances have changed.  So goes it for life though, I suspect.  Roll with the punches, so on and so forth.

I’m happy.  I’m happy because I choose to be happy.  I choose to look around and be thankful for all of the things that I have.  I am even thankful for the things that I do not have.  If they were meant to be in my life, they would be here.  So that means I am supposed to have exactly what I do have.  And be grateful for it.

I have missed my sister circle immensely.  I have missed a lot of things actually.  I spent too much time with “things” that were not important.  I thought they were extremely important.  Maybe that means they were at that time.  But, they no longer are.  The “things” of the past have gotten from me what was needed, and vice versa, and moved on.

Being grateful is a conscious effort.  I have to be mindful at all times.  At one time in my life I felt this was fake.  That I should just embrace the “shit” feelings and ride them all the way through.  It’s easier just to delve into the negative and hang out there being snarky and unforgiving.  I wish I knew why it was easier.

I do not think easy is ever the answer.  If we reach a point in our lives when we no longer feel challenged, we have quit.  I am not a quitter.  I may not say things the way others want, choose things others choose, practice religions others practice.  But that, right there, is what being brave is all about. And growth comes from bravery amidst the struggle.  If you are driven to do something, don’t second guess it. There are going to be choices, hard choices.  And there might be times when you wonder why exactly you did what you did.  DON’T!  You did it for a reason.  Embrace it.  The reason might reveal itself later.  Hell, it might not.  But know, that whatever you said, did or chose was EXACTLY what you wanted.  End of story.

I have found that finding forgiveness is the hardest thing.  From others and yourself.  Forgiveness and trust are connected but are not always granted at the same time.  When someone tells you, or you tell yourself, that you’re forgiven, I think this is only a first, tiny, itty bitty, baby step.  It’s granting you the ability to build trust again.  Do not be discouraged.

I am a child of the microwave age and I think everything should be hot and ready right now with no extra effort.  This thought process can be very detrimental when nothing ever works like a microwave and a microwave doesn’t really make the best of stuff anyway.

Think about it!

Pizza rolls in the microwave are all right.  They are sort of warm, sort of good and sort of cold and squishy.  But hey, they are done fast.

Now think of Pizza rolls in the oven. They take longer for sure but they are crispy, warm all the way through and delish!  If you like Pizza rolls that is.

You get my point though, I think.

I am a work in progress. There was something that a friend of my posted that said, “I am done trying to be perfect so now I can be good.”  Good is so much easier than perfect.  It leaves room for error.  Error is expected, except when you expect to be perfect.  When we aim for perfection any imperfection feels like utter failure and you become inconsolable.  This leads to feelings of anxiety, anger, hopelessness, insecurities and so many other negative feelings that are a COMPLETE waste of our human existence.

Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to Hate.  Hate leads to the Darkside.  ~ Jedi Master Yoda

And we all know what happened to cute little Anakin Skywalker! *breathes heavily through a respirator*

Now I’m getting all nerdy after all my randomness.  But I have decided to “Embrace the Monica!” I will stop judging me.  I will stop over thinking, but don’t forget to think completely.  For me, that last part is extremely important.  I am a creature of extremes.  Love or hate.

I was drawn to paganism in my early 20′s.  I felt like I was coming home.  I felt something full of balance.  It was something I so desperately needed in my life and something I still strive for.

I am a work in progress, as we all are.  We need to learn to love others and ourselves.  Embrace all that we are, all that we can become and all that surrounds us.  Trust in yourself and never be too hard on yourself.  Remember, now that I no longer have to be perfect, I can be good!   

Well that’s it for this time.  Tune in next random blog post to see what other random randomness might be happening in my brain.

Toodles!  And be blessed!