Friday, January 31, 2014

More Like Her, Silver Springs, Seven Wonders

Everything happens for a reason, right?!  I mean that's the bullshit that we tell ourselves because that's what we have been conditioned to think by the people around us.  GOD!  I'm trying to make my own destiny.  I was told yesterday that since I care so much about what others think that I must have no idea what I think.

Oh my.

I am fake.

Do it!

Kill me with a plastic knife, slowly please. Right now.  It's all over.  *drapes arm over forehead in a dramatic fashion*
I don't even get it anymore.  I curse those who fashioned me out of their genes and thought patterns!  CURSE YOU PARENTS! *shakes fists*  I curse them for making me indecisive.  Every time a holiday came upon us and I had to stand, tiny girl with light brown curls and brown puppy dog eyes, in between them and decide whom I wanted to spend time with.  Which you know that was whom I loved more, right?! Yeah, right!  NOT!  (am I even allowed to say NOT anymore, or is the reader saying, "That's so 90's!")

 

Give me my flannel and my Doc Martens I need to brood!

 

Lots of kids go through this and I damn well know the entire world is not living their lives for everyone else and base their entire universe on doing what makes others feel good.  Is it the stuff from my early adult hood?  Things happened.  I made bad choices.  We all do.  But I don't pay child support on mine and I don't have to raise them.  But I do live with those choices every day.  I felt as though I deserved it.  The Fates did that to me to make me slow down.  To make me realize that I was moving to fast.  To keep things from me to punish me.  I only thought of the moment, never the....

I'm tired...I don't wanna do it anymore.  All I know is I know nothing.  That's it.

 

Anywho, so I've written about AHS Coven and there were two songs in the last episode that I just thought were fabulous and I want to share.

First was Silver Springs...
Myrtle 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVsy717Ej7U

And the second was Seven Wonders...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_nqHuFQCRQ

I really like the lyrics to both of these songs.  Ya know, because I am always looking for the words.  I hope they actually link the video instead of just have the link in there.  If they don't, I hope you don't mind leaving the page to go enjoy some beautiful vocals by the amazing Stevie Nicks.  I know I wouldn't.
I found this picture and it cracked me up.  It's a bit of a spoiler but not so bad and I don't think it alone ruins it.  And I have horrible allergies so I take this stuff frequently in Spring and Fall.  And it kills witches.  Go Figure!  HA!
delphine

AHS: Coven

burn

On Wednesday, we wear black.

coven 1

First of all, I want to point out how very much I loved this show.  I thought it was utterly amazing and had extremely talented people who I really enjoyed watching, especially the three matriarchs.  There were moments that I laughed out loud, giggled, was horribly shocked and cringed! Recipe for a good time.

American-Horror-Story-Cast

I did have some mixed feelings while watching this show.  I identify myself as a witch.  It is a belief system to me.  It is so very hard to ask people who have no idea about any difference between fact and fiction, to understand I am not what is presented in mainstream media.  So in the past, it has upset me when they used the word witch and then have a character who does outrageous things.

I am not a joke.  I am not some circus side-show.  I am not delusional and just "playing" at being a witch.  I believe in God and Goddess and The Fates.  I take my ideas about things seriously, but not too seriously.  And that is where I have found that I can enjoy this show.

I decided that if Christians can have Highway to Heaven and Touched by an Angel, then there is a place for these stories too.  Because we all know those TV shows did not even border on the edge of reality.  They only used a concept and the fiction just spiraled out from there. Okay, same thing with witches.  Got it.  Hope everyone else can grasp the same idea.

So back to the things that I loved about the show!

coven poster

I will start with the matriarchs.  I think Kathy Bates is such an AWESOME actress.  I have loved watching her since the first time I saw her in Misery.  By the way, this was from the hobbling scene which, to this very day after seeing this movie hundreds of times, I have never watched.  I always cover my eyes.

Misery

Ms. Bates has an amazing way of making a most hideous character almost likeable.  I say almost because she has the ability to bring you right to that edge where you could fall over and feel sympathy and then with just a small twist, have you standing straight again.  It feels like listening to an unknown symphony watching her do her craft.  She has such talent, you have no idea that she's even doing it. As Madame Delphine LaLaurie, she did not disappoint.  Horrible woman.  Horrible woman in history.  But Kathy Bates has a way of seeming sympathetic so you want to watch, and yet not really like the woman. I think that's amazing.  Go Kathy Bates!

womantime

Jessica Lange is gorgeous.  And she made Fiona absolutely evil and awe-inspiring.  I was always a little bit envious of her inability to care for others because she just did what she pleased.  It was part of her undoing over all but the ride was fun while it lasted, at least it looked like it was.  Fiona was a tortured soul, but she didn't sit down long enough to acknowledge it.  That would have been weak to Fiona and there is nothing weak on the outside about this character.  She is tough as nails and just as dangerous and deadly if dealt with the wrong way.   At least that is how I viewed her.

large

Angela Bassett.  Oh my G O S H!  Can I just say that I loved this woman from this very moment.
waiting

This was Waiting to Exhale.  Loved this character and her evolution.  She started out absolutely knowing things, things she just knew with all of her being, only to change and evolve and learn that things are not always exactly as they seem.  But that's another movie...

Lovely, talented Ms. Bassett plays beautiful Madame Marie Laveau.  This is another part that I have a hard time separating.  Historical Madame Laveau was a beautiful and kind woman, so it is said.  She is very important to many people as a figure for their beliefs to this very day.  I only wish they would have used another name but, they didn't so whatcha gonna do?!

I wish she would have had more screen time.  She was beautiful, strong and had every reason to be pissed off and vengeful.  Oh, and she was.  Maddeningly so.  Another tortured, strong woman with no time to think of her trials and tribulations, just the answers to the problems and her progress forward.  Forward for her was survival.  Such wonderful twists with her story.

madameB

Cordelia is the daughter of Fiona, the Supreme.  She has always been in the shadow of her mother.  Never quite good enough for her mother or herself.  This put a lot of doubt in her and she never reached her potential.  The character of Cordelia is so beautiful, kind and doubting. The one most overlooked.  Watch out for those you think are weak.  And sometimes the weak ones can even surprise themselves
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Cordelia

When I grow up I want to be Myrtle Snow.  She was so magically, amazingly, beautifully ridiculous.  With a hint of insanity and high fashion backed up by an extreme amount of genius and insight.  Myrtle is a matriarch in her own right.  Never reaching her potential, just like Cordelia, because of also being in the shadow of Fiona.  Jealousy and being held down can be the catalysts to all of our failures.  When it comes down to it, I guess we are all always our own worse enemies.

myrtle

This show is filled with such amazingly diverse women.  I was struck by the plain humanity of each one of them.  Fighting their own individual and unique battles.  They are neither good nor evil.  They are women doing what women do.  Humans, doing what humans do.  They are climbing the ladder, raising children, living as an example, living with anger, regret and loss all in a mystical wrapper.  They find strength, honor and courage in their lineage and traditions.  They are inspirational.
And if all this boring information about women I have grown to admire hasn't pushed you over the edge to give this show a chance, maybe this will.

stevie1

Yes, that is the beautiful, magnificent and timeless Stevie Nicks.  This lovely lady is in two episodes and her music is throughout.  Yeah, I really liked this show.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I think it’s time for Old Man Winter to get Mother Nature drunk, and have a little fun making Spring…

Ya know, I am dreaming of the Caribbean right now.  I'm the idiot for saying so but that's on my mind.  And not just because of the weather.

 

Everything is beautiful, right?!  I mean really.

Yesterday morning I was standing in front of my car and looked up to see three crows flying over head.  There was a gloom in the air, a light dreamy snow, the homes that were nearby had chimney's billowing out smoke and it just felt majestic.  I felt honored to be in that moment and see that beautiful sight.  I think sometimes I am the only one who notices these things.  Watching a snow blower eject snow in an arc that has the sun behind it, just makes me smile.  I am sure the person pushing the snow blower doesn't see the beauty that I do, but maybe they should.  Might make snow blowing a bit more enjoyable, or possibly not.

winter 1

I feel like my camera never catches what my eyes do.  This was a beautiful picture of the serene snow, crescent moon and the sun just starting to come up over the tree line.  It was breath taking.  Or maybe, it wasn't.  That's why the picture doesn't look so great.  Maybe the picture actually captures what's there and I am making more of it than what it was.  I am actually glad most people do not see the world the way that I do.  Then we would all be pretty messed up.  YIKES!

 

So driving to work in the winter has always been uncomfortable for me.  Ever since my brother died, it put a new perspective on life.  Ya know, because if he could die at the age of 25 I sure as hell could too at the age of 20.  Some years have passed since then.  I have passed his age by almost 12 years now.  And the fear has never left me.  The fact of my mortality.  At least I'm not a shut in anymore.  Went through that for a bit but,  I can go out now.

My Impala has been really good to me.  She's a tank.  Sturdy and comfortable.  She has made me feel so safe and gotten me through anxiety filled moments while on the snow and ice covered roads.

winter 4

During this storm, they have been talking about the blizzard of 1978 a lot.  When I was growing up, that storm was legend.  I think it was really hard on my parents because I had been born so sick.  I was only 5 months old when the storm came.  I had just had open heart surgery 2 months prior.  My dad would always talk about having to ride the snow mobile to the store to get me formula or how they were going to get out if they needed to take me to the hospital when the snow covered the front door.  I have been a mess since I took my first breath.  I cannot imagine these roads in a rear wheel drive car.  Must have been an adventure.  Possibly no power steering either.  And think, no ABS!  Dear God, ya had to pump the breaks.  That, by the way, is a hard habit to break.  I still try to pump my breaks.  Oh lord.  Whatcha gonna do?!

winter 2

A very large mound of snow just off from the sidewalk.  It's been really cool.  I feel like I am walking through tunnels.  Watching my little dog trying to jump through the snow is really hilarious.

winter 5

Outside of work where I go to smoke.  That's the winter gear from far away.  I think I gained the pounds that were lost. But, I'm going to say that it's just the heavy winter gear making me look all fluffy.  Fluffy's not soo bad, right?!

We all deal with things in our own ways.  I am crafting more.  Laundry soap, bath salts that I made for presents for my sister group for Yule.  No, no one got naked and turned into cannibal zombie freakazoids.  Darn it all!  I know EXACTLY where to go when the zombie apocalypse happens.  At least I used to know where to go... :-/

I have also felted some wool balls for homemade fabric softener for the dryer.  Doesn't have all that nasty plastic coating on it to mess up the inside of your dryer and actually drys the clothes quicker.  WIN WIN, I say!

So now I am just waiting to collect too many cats and you might see me on an episode of hoarders talking about  how much I love my babies.  At least that's the sort of future for people who make laundry soap and felted wool balls is, isn't it?!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Wonderful winter wonderland with trees.

This winter has been magnificent. Beautiful and awesome. This has been the most "real" winter we have had in years.

It started with a nice storm. 


At least the sun is shining and smiling through the storm. The one on my fence anyway. 

Beautiful rays from the actual sun was a stunning site. Shining next to the frozen branches of a tree. 


Then, there were the holidays. I had Yule with my circle. We celebrated at my house and for the first time ever, I lead ritual. I was nervous but I was determined and I succeeded.



Part of ritual was writing things down that were negative or we no longer wanted from the darkness. We are thankful for the darkness. It is a part of us. Embrace it and learn from it. These are the things we set aflame. We released them back because we had gained what we needed.   


New life came after the holiday. A bouncing baby boy. He's so very precious and soft. 


It was so comforting to sit in the hospital and hold him and just stare at him. He's my nephew and I am so blessed to have a sister in law that allows me to go goo goo over her children. 


Then the big blizzard came. Beautiful and intense. Frozen pipes, dead cars and slippery roads. Keeping me young with all of the excitement of driving. 

Scenes from the aftermath. 


The branches were so heavy they were touching the ground. Well, the two feet of snow on the ground. 


We keep it interesting here in Michigan, as you can see. This morning we woke up to freezing drizzle and we are going to reach a balmy 38 degrees today after just a few days ago having a windchill of -48 degrees. Variety is the spice of life. 


That's not snow falling. It's fog. Made seeing on the drive to work a bit challenging but that keeps me on my toes. 


So that's my winter update for the moment. There's a spot for two, if you can stand the snow. I hope you enjoy the trees. 

Take care and be blessed. 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Persephone, Queen of the Underworld

 

Hymn to Persephone
by K.S. Roy

Glorious Goddess Persephone,
Maiden turned Queen of the Sacred Way,
The path to the Underworld,
Lit bright by Hekate's torches,
Accompanied by swift-footed Hermes,
Once each year in the Spring,
and once again each Autumn.

The maiden who brings Spring's growth
With her arrival above,
And brings hope to the spirits of the dead
With her arrival below.
Wise Goddess who sees all that has gone before,
And knows best how to lead us
Into what is to come next.

She leads us on our journey,
Along that road she knows so well,
Taking our souls with her
Into the light of rebirth,
And the hope of new beginnings,
Granting us our chance to strive,
To earn our place in the Blessed Isles.

Great Goddess, guide our steps,
So that we may not falter,
That we will make our choices wisely,
And will ever seek your wise counsel,
So that we may have no fear
When we make our journey
Back to your sacred realm.


Monday, December 16, 2013

Crafty and Confidence.

So, I have always been the person who is too afraid to move because I am afraid of failure.  Many people are afraid of things and still find the courage to move, experiment, and grow.  I am working on becoming a mover.

I started this weekend with a craft project.  I was very insecure but I just had to do it.  My priestess is a very creative woman.  I assume she doesn't create the wonderful things she does by looking down her nose at a book.  Well, maybe some ideas she has gotten that way but she puts her own "spin", works with what feels right.  I admire her immensely.

During my crafting session I decided that I was going to follow the directions at first but then I was going to "flip it up", just a bit.  I started throwing in the ingredients the recipe called for but also other items, just to try it out.  I mean, what the hell?!  If it turned out bad, all I had to do was scrap it and start over. No biggie!

They actually all turned out pretty well.  I felt really good doing it.  Standing in my kitchen, drinking a bit of liquid courage, I felt close to my coven sisters even though they weren't physically there.  I felt their confidence in me and their encouragement.  It was very empowering.

Remember...Now that I no longer have to be perfect, I can be good.

I will write more about what I made after Yule, because I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Until next random thought...

Toodles and be Blessed!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Fulfillment, Full Circle, and Fabulous Revelations!

Times have changed.  Feelings have changed.  Circumstances have changed.  So goes it for life though, I suspect.  Roll with the punches, so on and so forth.

I’m happy.  I’m happy because I choose to be happy.  I choose to look around and be thankful for all of the things that I have.  I am even thankful for the things that I do not have.  If they were meant to be in my life, they would be here.  So that means I am supposed to have exactly what I do have.  And be grateful for it.

I have missed my sister circle immensely.  I have missed a lot of things actually.  I spent too much time with “things” that were not important.  I thought they were extremely important.  Maybe that means they were at that time.  But, they no longer are.  The “things” of the past have gotten from me what was needed, and vice versa, and moved on.

Being grateful is a conscious effort.  I have to be mindful at all times.  At one time in my life I felt this was fake.  That I should just embrace the “shit” feelings and ride them all the way through.  It’s easier just to delve into the negative and hang out there being snarky and unforgiving.  I wish I knew why it was easier.

I do not think easy is ever the answer.  If we reach a point in our lives when we no longer feel challenged, we have quit.  I am not a quitter.  I may not say things the way others want, choose things others choose, practice religions others practice.  But that, right there, is what being brave is all about. And growth comes from bravery amidst the struggle.  If you are driven to do something, don’t second guess it. There are going to be choices, hard choices.  And there might be times when you wonder why exactly you did what you did.  DON’T!  You did it for a reason.  Embrace it.  The reason might reveal itself later.  Hell, it might not.  But know, that whatever you said, did or chose was EXACTLY what you wanted.  End of story.

I have found that finding forgiveness is the hardest thing.  From others and yourself.  Forgiveness and trust are connected but are not always granted at the same time.  When someone tells you, or you tell yourself, that you’re forgiven, I think this is only a first, tiny, itty bitty, baby step.  It’s granting you the ability to build trust again.  Do not be discouraged.

I am a child of the microwave age and I think everything should be hot and ready right now with no extra effort.  This thought process can be very detrimental when nothing ever works like a microwave and a microwave doesn’t really make the best of stuff anyway.

Think about it!

Pizza rolls in the microwave are all right.  They are sort of warm, sort of good and sort of cold and squishy.  But hey, they are done fast.

Now think of Pizza rolls in the oven. They take longer for sure but they are crispy, warm all the way through and delish!  If you like Pizza rolls that is.

You get my point though, I think.

I am a work in progress. There was something that a friend of my posted that said, “I am done trying to be perfect so now I can be good.”  Good is so much easier than perfect.  It leaves room for error.  Error is expected, except when you expect to be perfect.  When we aim for perfection any imperfection feels like utter failure and you become inconsolable.  This leads to feelings of anxiety, anger, hopelessness, insecurities and so many other negative feelings that are a COMPLETE waste of our human existence.

Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to Hate.  Hate leads to the Darkside.  ~ Jedi Master Yoda

And we all know what happened to cute little Anakin Skywalker! *breathes heavily through a respirator*

Now I’m getting all nerdy after all my randomness.  But I have decided to “Embrace the Monica!” I will stop judging me.  I will stop over thinking, but don’t forget to think completely.  For me, that last part is extremely important.  I am a creature of extremes.  Love or hate.

I was drawn to paganism in my early 20′s.  I felt like I was coming home.  I felt something full of balance.  It was something I so desperately needed in my life and something I still strive for.

I am a work in progress, as we all are.  We need to learn to love others and ourselves.  Embrace all that we are, all that we can become and all that surrounds us.  Trust in yourself and never be too hard on yourself.  Remember, now that I no longer have to be perfect, I can be good!   

Well that’s it for this time.  Tune in next random blog post to see what other random randomness might be happening in my brain.

Toodles!  And be blessed!